How often do you pay attention to that little voice in your head? You know, the one that chitter-chatters away, providing a running commentary on the things that you’re doing (or not doing) in your life? The other day, my little voice was in fine form! I was at the UNSW Medical School Induction where I found myself sitting between a neuroscientist and a biostatistician. As we started chatting about our research projects, my little voice started having an absolute field day. As they spoke about running samples of brain tissue through high powered pieces of equipment, the names of which I can barely pronounce, let alone remember, my little voice began telling me that ‘You’re not smart enough to be doing this…what were you thinking taking this on…how could you think that you could pull this off…You’re NEVER going to be able to do this…’ I went into complete and utter overwhelm and the more I tried to ignore it, the more it felt like my little voice was saying ‘I’m just going to say it louder just in case you didn’t hear me last time’.
As someone who has done a fair bit of self-development over the years, I feel I have come to know my little voice quite intimately. For me, it gets loudest when I’m feeling fearful, insecure, challenged, sad or a combination of the above. Have you noticed that this happens to you too? One of the things that I still struggle with from time to time is being able to identify the moment that my little voice starts chatting away. As I sit here and reflect on what was going on for me that day, I was totally oblivious to my little voice and how quickly the volume got turned up. You see, I got confused and started thinking that my little voice was actually ‘me’ instead of a reflection of some of my fears and insecurities.
Our little voices are apart of us – we all have one, they are always going to be there and there is no point trying to get rid of them. What we need to be mindful of is how to identify when the volume of our little voice gets so loud that it starts overpowering what our heart is trying to say. In a moment of panic the other day (when my little voice was shouting at the top of it’s lungs) I flirted with the idea pulling out of my studies. Thankfully though, I was finally able to locate the volume switch and turn that thing down!
I’ve also noticed this same sort of pattern creeping up on a few of my patients of late. The volume of their little voice had gotten so loud that it became impossible for them to ignore. They ended up doing or not doing things that went against what their heart wanted because all they could hear was their little voice going crazy!
Here are some of the things that I do to help me keep the volume of my little voice in check.
1. Pay attention!
When you start noticing that little voice nattering away, ask yourself: ‘What am I actually feeling? Why might I be feeling this?’
Be curious as to why it is there, but don’t make yourself wrong or beat yourself up; every time you do, you just turn the volume of your little voice up louder. For me, I was completely intimidated by the job title of those people I sat next to the other day. I had attached a level of importance and intelligence to an occupation and not fully accepted the contribution that I can make to the world and the field of research I have chosen.
2. Notice the negatives
It’s funny how our little voice likes to talk in the negative! Watch those thoughts that start with “I can’t…I’m not good enough…I’m not worthy…” In some instances, our little voice just answers straight away with a ‘no’ without even considering what it would be like to answer with a ‘yes’ (or vice versa). Be mindful of when you see yourself thinking this way. Show yourself some love and rephrase your thoughts into a positive.
For me, I had to translate “I’m not smart enough” into “I have what it takes to complete a PhD”. I could have also have said “I am smart enough” but as I reflected on it, in my mind completing a PhD takes more than intelligence. What ever translation you go for, make sure it means something to you. There is no right or wrong answer, but you’ll know when you’ve got it right because in that moment, your heart is so much louder than that little voice.
3. Acknowledge rather than ignore
Our little voice has a funny way of trying to remain pertinent in our life. As I mentioned before, when we just try to sweep it aside, it tends to come back with more vengeance! Try to stop and listen to your little voice without actually taking on what it is saying. For me personally, I find it hard to acknowledge (and not take it on) just by thinking about things alone. This is why I choose to write out all the things my little voice is telling me. I then sit and look at these with a curiosity as to why my little voice is saying these things. Once I’ve got it all out, I rip up the paper and throw it out. It’s done. Gone. Time to move on. It’s like my way of pushing the mute button.
So I guess what I am saying is that while you don’t need to become best friends with your little voice, it’s a good idea to work towards a mutually acceptable relationship. Your little voice is like a family member who you don’t always see eye to eye with. Be prepared to see each other from time to time, but also give yourself permission to say no to a catch up or even to leave half way through. There will always be a connection, but we get to choose how much we let this affect the way we live our lives.
