If there is one thing that I hate more than bananas, it’s being stuck in traffic. I find it the biggest waste of time doing nothing apart from waiting for the cars in front of me to move or the lights to change colour.
Before I was lucky enough to live so close to work, I would often find myself sitting stationary amongst a sea of other cars. Sometimes I’d listen to the radio or a podcast, sometimes I’d just replay the events of the day or think about what was coming up and other times, I’m sure I’d just go off into dreamland trying to process something that was on my mind. If I’m honest though, a good chuck of my time was spent just whinging to myself about how much time I was wasting and how much I loathed sitting in traffic.
I’d actually forgotten about this (conveniently) until I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day. He has just moved back from Melbourne and is struggling with the Sydney traffic scene (not that I blame him). As I listened to him talk about his experience, it made me reflect on my own and it got me thinking…I wonder what my experience would have been like if I had consciously changed my context every time I got in the car. What if I had just gotten ‘real’ with myself and my expectations knowing that 99% of the time, the traffic was always going to be there instead of somehow thinking that it would magically disappear and getting cranky every time it was the same ol’ thing?
I often find it amusing how often after I’m presented with an opportunity that tests out my apparent realisations and this time was no exception. I couldn’t have written a better script if I tried: it was raining in Sydney and there was a 4 car accident, on a very busy road that happened to be the only way to get where I was going.
‘Right’ I remember thinking to myself. ‘I’ve got two choices here. I either spend the next goodness-knows-how-long sitting getting cranky and letting my little stress levels bubble away making me into someone who I’m not (cranky, impatient and irritable) or I make a conscious change to my thought patterns’. But how am I going to do that? I still hated traffic and I still wasn’t moving. How was I going to get excited and happy about being stuck in traffic? I tapped into the little voice in my head. I needed to change my context.
For me, context is kind of like the scaffolding of life. It provides the framework and guidance around why we do what we do; how we chose to build around this scaffolding is entirely up to us. As I sat in that traffic jam I noticed my context was one of total self-pity (let’s be honest) ‘Poor me…I’m wasting so much time when I could be doing…’ Then I started thinking ‘If I’m not operating from the context of self-pity, what context do I want to be operating from?’ In that moment, I chose gratitude.
I began thinking about some of the things that I could be grateful for in that very moment even though I was sitting in a traffic jam. “I’m grateful that I am not the one who was involved in the accident. I’m grateful that I have a car to drive. I’m grateful that I have a job that I love that allows me the luxury of affording a car. I’m grateful that I am travelling around in a safe and secure country….” The thoughts kept flowing, my stress around sitting in a traffic jam reduced and before I knew it, I had passed the accident and was driving freely again. I arrived at my destination completely calm, as if there had been no traffic at all.
In many of these sorts of instances, our mind takes over and runs a million miles an hour usually chit-chatting negativity about why the situation is the way that it is. We all have things or instances that really push our buttons. Traffic seems to be mine – what is yours? Waiting in the line at the supermarket? Sitting in the waiting room at the doctors? People or partners who run late? The restaurant taking forever to bring you your meal? How often do you let yourself get wound up over really trivial things?
Sometimes we can justify our behaviour to ourselves (how often have you said ‘It’s the principle of it!’) which may be completely valid, but it still doesn’t change the fact that you are stuck in traffic. The way that we react to these incidents is a choice. Just because you get frustrated or cranky doesn’t make you wrong. You’re entirely welcome to feel and act that way, but are you being the best version of yourself as you do this? Does acting this way bring you the most amount of calm and inner-peace or does it just create anxiety and frustration?
While I’ll probably still have the odd whinge to myself about sitting in traffic (actually, correct that, I’m almost sure that I will) I also know that me whinging is a choice. I have the power to control my thoughts and my reaction to any given situation. So do you, so choose wisely. Gratitude may not be the right thing for you. Perhaps you need to choose ‘happiness’ or ‘love’ or some other emotions that you can take comfort from. The next time you feel yourself getting increasingly frustrated, check in with you momentary context. How can you flip that to be something that contributes and restores your energy rather than drains you? Let me know how you go!
